I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have fence marks all over my body
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize