Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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