i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize