well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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