Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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