im about as happy as oj after his trial
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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