I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
