I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
