When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
