I have demons in me.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
