i think my mom watched the whole time
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
