you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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