It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize