I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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