her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
