return my video game
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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