just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
