Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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