I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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