Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
