If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize