I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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