Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
