some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Everything about him screamed your future.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Can I color on your dick again?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
