I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
