I haven't been this sober since birth.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
In America we eat man semen.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
