well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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