I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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