I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
