i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
and she was petting her beer can
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
