Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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