I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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