Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
