check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
