Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize