it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
