Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
