This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
