dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
