go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
