May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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