What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
