DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
