GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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