Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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