Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
