haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize