Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
