We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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