i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
