I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
