I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
