Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
