i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
