hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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