ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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