He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
