I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
