Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
