I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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