i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
