What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
