Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
