i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Houston, we have a squirter
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
