just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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