so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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