I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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