gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
