So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
