You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
