Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
