you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
