So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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