You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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